if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamaties
Ladies real talk
If your name is on one of these I just wanna let you know your parents are basic bitches with no creativity
Sounds like someone’s sad they couldn’t find their name on a coke bottle
Lets do an experiment: reblog if you would feel safer hanging out with trans women (regardless of what genitals they currently posses) than Cis women who are transphobic and deny trans women’s obvious womanhood.
my friend told me how electricity is measured and i was like watt
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree.
That makes it a plant.
Chocolate is salad.
A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to go get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there’s no punchline.
you’ve got to be kidding me
I am in physical pain
“DROP THE BASS” the orchestra member drops his instrument and knocks over all of the other musicians. the concert is ruined.
my hobbies include eating and complaining that i’m getting fat
So I was driving behind this truck and seen this huge dog and I was like lemme take a photo of this creature, so I honked my horn a little so it would look at me and then………….
pumpkin spice candles soon
pumpkin lattes soon
are you fuckin kiddin me like what kinda people just captions this ‘cake gifs’ and walks away this shit fucking put a spell on me i was unable to look away it was wild start to fucking finish that looks like REAL CAKE it looks like i can reach out and have me some god damn cake. damn son
THE SPONGEBOB THEME SONG SLOWED BY 800% WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS
This was no joke, sweet dreams
HOLY SWEET JESUS YOU CAN HEAR THE CRIES OF THE PITIFUL SOULS FROM HELL
DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU!
Don’t press play. Don’t do it man. DONT PRESS THAT BUTTON!!!!